Today I complete my 2nd* year..

Today is the *2nd anniversary of my MS diagnosis, and my brother Dave's birthday (hi bro!). It's a lot less fraught I think than last year, when I was really mid-clinical trial. Now, the most intense part of the trial is over, I seem to be doing really well, and I try not to let the paroxysmal stuff get to me.

I'm also off work until March, so I can be alternately lazy and pensive. Really what it means is I watch an awful lot of Food Network and Dirty Jobs. Last year was entirely too hectic with work alone, not to mention house repairs and the MS stuff. i still think about it almost every day, and of course when a nerve goes "PING!" it's quite hard to forget what's up with my head. But I am very fortunate in my doc and my MS clinic, and I'm really very grateful. Not much will of course ever be the same, not since Jan 13 2009, but it can be at least manageable and at best more than acceptable.

One thing I'm glad is mostly back is my ability to spell and type. Occasionally lately I'll have some weird spasm of word forgetfulness and it bothers me a lot. Actually, it both scares and infuriates me. My doc points out that he doesn't think I'm going to see much change if and when I do neuropsychological testing, etc, but admits that *I* can sense my own frustrations and halting language. he was very kind the last visit, December 2010: "These are meant for the average, so I don't think you'll see anything much. But it will make you feel better." I in fact have a pretty wildly expansive vocabulary as well as a decently good intelligence (you know, like, smartish and all educationally and experientially well-trained in the arts of thinkingness), and that's WHY I panic when I can't remember a word or how to spell it.

However, since he's been so on target with so much re: my MS, I will not only give him credit, I'll try to stop worrying so much. some might say, "hey, there's spell check!" to which I reply "hay, theirs spell czech!"

Happy month of Janus to all, and to all a good life!

Happy New Year

Well, 2010 did not go quietly... medical and other bills pile up every time we think we have some extra money! But I am enjoying the time off and really need to get into that feeling of relaxation.

Physically feeling pretty well, mentally a little beat-up lately. I do kind of feel a sense of imminent doom at times-- and apparently MS can give you some feelings of dread. (No kidding!) I think if I can just kind of convince myself that it's not the end of the world that somehow, even with an unemployed husband, etc etc, we can owe taxes. I swear, the world is nickel and diming me to death here. And at a certain point, I just won't be able to work extra here and there for more money. It's been an uphill battle to keep things going, but well... what to do?

Well, happy 2011 and may all your days be bright, joyful, painfree, and happy! Or close enough.