The MS Mambo, Swine Flu Schottisce, and the Life Limbo

Just little ol MS brain me

100+ days of new prez (where did that come from? even Anne had a thousand days!), 5 days of antibiotics (no not for Swine-ish Flu), and nearing 3 full months of MS officially for me (shoudl I have a party?). So how is it all going?

I will say this-- I am only glad I'm in AZ still because the Barrow NI in Phoenix fills me with confidence. Well yes, I'm on avonex now (1 shot a week! Yay! But intramuscular- waaaahh...) instead of trial drug, bu that will come, the MRIs are looking okay, and I love my MS crew up there. Big up to Mia!

Nationally, I can't say I'm filled with great honking excitement. I'm glad something seems to be going on economically and at least people believe something is happening, unemployment claims dropped suddenly, the water is still clean and hey, the man in charge in DC seems to look a LOT less like a deer in the headlights. will he get single payer passed? Well hell, we shall see....

Strep throat snuck up on me... seems instead of the N1H1--or is it R2D2?-- I got a good old strep infection that's knocking me out. Makes even more fun the weekly avonex shot. I felt like I hadbeen run over by about 8pm last night. But oddly, I still feel ill and rather weak. I have been so out of it thru exhaustion or illness that I hadn't been online since April 20th. Bad blogger/emailer/friend!

The merry dances life has been leading me on are really tiring. Unfortunately, I can't seem to bring myself to stop the waltz. "Oh life is better left to chance/I could have missed the pain/ But I'd have had to miss the dance." (cheesily, I admit it's from a Garth Brooks song). I hope the global dance isn't St Vitus'.

Heartland moves hearts! Iowa clears path for samesex marriage

I lived in Iowa for 6 years, and really enjoyed it. Iowa City and the University of Iowa were always open for a challenge, and they really did a lot to dispel farm-redneck myths. I have always believed Iowans thought that what people did with their own lives, so long as it was consented to by all parties, was their own business in their own homes.

I am proud of my one time state, and hopeful for peaceful celebrations!
Go Hawkeyes!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Historic Victory for Marriage Equality in Iowa!
High Court clears the way for committed gay and lesbian couples to marry
Today the Iowa Supreme Court ruled in a unanimous decision that committed gay and lesbian couples must be allowed to marry in Iowa. Join us this evening at your local rally to celebrate this momentous decision! Rally times can be found below, following a statement from One Iowa Executive Director, Carolyn Jenison.
Statement from Carolyn Jenison:

I want to begin by saying how great it is to be an Iowan! Today, the Heartland proves again to be fitting of its name. The Iowa Supreme Court, in clearing the way for gay and lesbian couples to marry, recognized that love and commitment are at the heart of what makes our communities strong. As Iowans, we pride ourselves on our strong sense of community and fairness. It's only fair that two caring, committed people are able to take full responsibility for one another.

I grew up in the small town of Randall, Iowa. Like most kids, I had the same expectation of meeting that special someone to share the rest of my life with. More than the legal protections and security of marriage, today's decision is about recognizing that love and commitment are not defined by the gender of the participants involved. It's about couples like David and Larry from Urbandale or Reva and Ingrid from Council Bluffs -- couples that have stuck together through thick and thin, who have raised strong families, and been active in their communities. Today, the message the Court sends is that these families are worthy of the same recognition and hold the same value as any other couple.

As a lifelong Iowan, I have never been as proud of my state as I am today! Not only will we join Connecticut and Massachusetts as the third state to offer marriage licenses to gay couples, but Iowa will set the standard for fairness and equality in the Midwest. I encourage all Iowans, whether you agree with the Court's decision or not, to respect the important role that the court plays. While we may not all agree with the decision, I think we can all agree that it's unfair to stand in the way of someone being able to take care of his or her long-term partner. I invite those who disagree to engage with us in a conversation. I encourage you to visit our website at oneiowa.org to read the personal stories of Iowans affected by today's decision. Moving forward, One Iowa will work tirelessly to see that marriage equality in Iowa is protected and valued with the same vigor that we pursued it.

I want to thank our wonderful partners at Lambda Legal for bringing this case before the Courts and all our supporters across the state. We would not be here today without your support and guidance. I also want to thank my staff at One Iowa. Our slogan is "together we are One Iowa" and I know our success is due in large part because of our commitment to work as a team.
____________________________________________________________________

Annnnd the update!

4 mos since surgery, which is healing well, and five shots into a MS control regimen. I've never shot ANYTHING into myself (sorry, all you radical types), so this was weird. The idea of the permanence of the MS came home the first time I had to self-inject. It is VERY odd to feel so mortal!

Of course, about the same time I started this stuff stem cells were released from their bondage and we shall see who they can help out. I'm confident in science enough to hope for some progress, but also know some researchers have already developed new ways to tease stem cells into change. I would suggest people who still have issues with it watch as their MRIs show huge gaps in brain tissue, some of which well might become irreversibly damaged.

Is it a brand new day for America? f**K if I know. The world has gotten both smaller and bigger, and more tiring. My favorite MS slogan now is "You can have my handicapped parking spot if you take my disability with it!" Or, more simply, "F**k MS."

My political interests have gotten smaller-- to the point I really want to move into disability advocacy (as I once did for HIV/ AIDS) and try to help people who are stuck in the crack of our crappy medical system. But please don't get me wrong. I ADORE my MS docs and nurses and all the fine folks in PHX who really helped get my diagnosis straight (it's not leprosy.. it's not AIDS... it's not coccidiosis...).

May all your days be merry and painfree and oh yeah, may you always remember the right word!

What a difference an MRI makes...

Hey gente--

things have radically changed for me, and not in a puerile political catchphrase way. I had been winding down in energy for while now, since last October, and right after my final probationary evaluation (yay, I did well),. I just about fell out of work starting Dec 1. Vertigo, walking weird, blurry vision, incredible fatigue... my neuro here had me take some MRIs, and number 1- I had a bulging disc in my neck pressing on my spinal cord and 2- I had "christmas lites (lesions, spots) in my brain. He advised me, "If you were my daughter, I would take these MRIs and go to Scripps or Barrow in PHX and go into the emergency room. It will take too long to get referrals and there's no way it can be handled right now in Yuma. We don't really have all the specialists."

So go I did, and had a lovely 8 day hospital stay, six days of which was for testing and testing and MRIs and CTs.. and had neck surgery on day 6 of all that. That went well, then I was told to come back 3-4 weeks later to see both my neurosurgeon AND a neuroimunologist. Sheesh.

Long story short-- cadaver bone and plate in neck is good, but I don't have RA, I have relapsing remitting Multiple Sclerosis. This might be why I was so low on energy, had hard time focusing, and could have cared less about the news the last part of last year. I dont' even wanna THINK about politics riht now, because frankly, a lot of it seems short term crap to me as we speak of it in this country now, and not discussions of real systemic change.

So perhaps my foci will change now (change I need!), but undoubtedly I will be snarky and cranky and not a true believer (tm) in the Great Tan Hope. I wish him well, I wish he would have said "Biracial" a few times, and hope the fact he would never be able to fulfill the needs of all the people voting for him does not come as a surprise to anyone.

Oh yeah, and the Ms seems to have affected my typing, spelling, and speaking a bit. fun to aphasia when you teach english!

Anyway... paz y feliz ano nuevo to mi amiga/os out there. There's always Spain....

TC

Are we free now? Can I put up my guns?

Of course not. As Tavis Smiley mentioned, "are we better off? Is this a great moment [the election of BO] for black america? Undoubtedly.

Are we free? No. We have a long way to go."

So i won't put away my guns, literal and otherwise. I'm old enough to have gone through enough socialist disappointment and liberal well-meaningness to know that the game is not played by the ones in the front-- it is played by those behind them and those, moreover, with MONEY OR MEDIA.

anyone wanna join me raising 10 million or so so that maybe the voice of the poor, unemployed, gay, lesbian, disabled, not-rich are heard? I dont' anticipate change until we change our heads and thoughts. To that effort, I suppose I will still stay in education, where I was once asked "God, why do we have to study this stuff and not our own writing?" The author, fellow travelers, was Sandra Cisneros.

Viva ignorancia!

The hiatus from hell and the post from hell

Nope.Nary a post in over a month, and I will tell you why, besides the obvious life is really busy line: I'm saddened, even depressed, at the state of the union and the state of my state. I came within a hair of leaving, and decided the job I have is worth more than leaving for a bit of uncertainty when I really need health insurance.

No hope for me-- but I'm not without expectation of more grandstanding BS everywhere on everything. No expectation of grand change. My belief in the corporate economy always finding a way to pull us out of economic doldrums is still strong because hey, they want to keep making money. Exxon for president. My search for a place in Iceland, Canada, or elsewhere really is picking up. My embarrassment of public discourse (what passes for it) is still quite powerful. I cannot watch or read news unless it's in an international paper now. Physically, I hurt and feel ill watching a mad scramble to keep the amorphous US on top of some amorphous world which is going to leave us behind as embarrassing relics of economic colonization, as the Brits got left behind earlier.

I suppose it is buttressing my understanding of how gain means more pain, not less. There is never enough for many Americans-- never, ever. There has to be one more car, CD, even the last word in debates of well-intentioned people who want to be right, to be secure, to not see how painfully intentions hurt when the ones you want to help can see in reality how very much MORE you seem to have. A fear of choices, of multiplicities, of being wrong, of having to DECIDE for ourselves and then react in interesting ways if threatened-- these fears are palpable and more dangerous all the time.

I fear something insidious in its own way, besides the gradual numbing of the critical mind-- I fear that the fear will make its way into the hearts of people who struggle to find a way through the middle of the mess, skirting every car wreck and human disaster, and that it will embitter them. Too many tears are shed in private, in anger, over the general numbing and fear shown by so many who we KNOW we could help if... if...

And the truth is, we don't really know how to do it, how to fix it, how to get right again. We might not even remember right. In the binary world we built, you would think it would be easy, but our binaries push against infinites and collapse and frighten the bejeezus out of us. We just know there has to be an US and a THEM, and they ain't WE and we certainly would NEVER be THEM! Onward Christian/Muslin/Israeli/Palestinian/Black/White/Brown/Straight/Gay soldiers, marching as to self-annihilation with only the ones with enough to hide out or move or have more soldiers left standing.

This is my world, this hell, and a life that I guess I never saw coming in a country I used to love so much it hurt, and I don't just mean during the Olympics.

Oh yeah. Enjoy those.

Attempt to ban "unamerican, anti western civilization" activities

PLEASE get this out there! An addendum to a homeland security bill could spell death to student groups organized by race (even if they're not exclusionary of members), and potentially for religious, LGBTQIA orga, etc in Arizona. We can carry guns in schools but not have an organization? I HATE THIS PLACE!!!!! AAAAQGGGHHHH!!!!!

Cliqa below to go to the site. I ordered some UFW buttons....

UFW ARIZONA CAMPAIGN

Help fight Ariz. bill to ban ethnic student groups like MEChA, Black Business Students Assoc.
Multiculturalism is a basic American concept. We value the beliefs, traditions, customs, arts, history and folklore of the diverse cultures reflected throughout our nation. All this is being put at risk in Arizona, where last week the Appropriations Committee passed an amendment to a routine homeland security bill, SB 1108 that would prohibit students at the state’s public universities and community colleges from organizing groups based on race (ie: groups such as MEChA, the Black Business Students Association, Native Americans United, etc.)

Please take action today. This bill could reach the Arizona House floor as early as this week.

According to newspaper reports, Rep. John Kavanagh (R-Scottsdale), a supporter of the measure called these campus organizations, "'self-defeating' and 'self-destructive' for students."

Self-defeating? Multiculturalism doesn’t limit students. It gives them pride in who they are and enhances their being fuller people by fostering the concept of America being the land of opportunity. As Cesar Chavez said, "Preservation of ones' culture doesn’t mean contempt for others'."

These student groups are like any other school club or fraternity. They bring students together so they can achieve academic success. They offer a place to meet, make friends and support one another. Their goal is to help students succeed. For example, the members of the University of Arizona's MEChA chapter visit high schools to encourage students to attend college. They hold events and fundraisers to spread the message that education is the key to success.

The bill goes one step further. It also would ban public schools or colleges from including race-based classes or school sponsored activities. Officially the language says it would ban any activity "deemed contradictory to the values of American democracy or Western civilization." However, the language is so broad, who knows what could be prohibited? Certainly Chicano studies, African-American studies & other ethnic studies programs would be put at risk.

Studies show that students who learn about their race and culture have a lower-drop out rate. In truth, if this bill passes it could cause a huge set back in our educational system.

Please take immediate action. If you live in Arizona, e-mail your representatives immediately as well as the Speaker of the House. If you live outside Arizona, please e-mail the Arizona Speaker of the House today and let him know the eyes of the nation are on Arizona.