Unbearable pain-in-the-assness of being

I'm so fantastically poor at blogging consistently, even though sometimes it is helpful. The heat rising here in cr*AZ*y, though, is already taking its toll. I find myself thinking that you know, maybe I DO want to be on a drug, even as I realize my clinical trial drug is actually still doing its thing. It's the little stuff, you see. And for some reason, perhaps due to the heat, MS, and my crappy state, I'm much more in a funk than usual. I feel unusually alone, but also maybe a little hypersensitive to things. I don't have PBA, but still, sometimes I just feel like crying. Sometimes, I'm so tired I feel like crying. On the other hand, it's not like I have many very close friends around here, and indeed, sometimes I wonder about the friends I have- y'all ever do that? Like I worry or believe that I'm either not worthy of the friendship or that I'm more annoying than a friend. This of course would be a good time to find a good therapist, but I have tried and I just think there's not a lot of talent around here. OF COURSE, there's always that cloud of hey, are you ever gonna think about your mom's death, or your mom period, are you ever gonna really clean up your home and stop living like you'll die any second, and afre you going to stay with the person you are with now forever? Weighty issues, and I'm beginning to feel too many of them all at once now. See, this is when blogs become dull! I should probably carry on and write some story to get junk out of my head and onto the page. A little fiction now n then rarely hurt anyone:)

bwaahaha