Thursday, April 26, 2012

Unbearable pain-in-the-assness of being

I'm so fantastically poor at blogging consistently, even though sometimes it is helpful. The heat rising here in cr*AZ*y, though, is already taking its toll. I find myself thinking that you know, maybe I DO want to be on a drug, even as I realize my clinical trial drug is actually still doing its thing. It's the little stuff, you see. And for some reason, perhaps due to the heat, MS, and my crappy state, I'm much more in a funk than usual. I feel unusually alone, but also maybe a little hypersensitive to things. I don't have PBA, but still, sometimes I just feel like crying. Sometimes, I'm so tired I feel like crying. On the other hand, it's not like I have many very close friends around here, and indeed, sometimes I wonder about the friends I have- y'all ever do that? Like I worry or believe that I'm either not worthy of the friendship or that I'm more annoying than a friend. This of course would be a good time to find a good therapist, but I have tried and I just think there's not a lot of talent around here. OF COURSE, there's always that cloud of hey, are you ever gonna think about your mom's death, or your mom period, are you ever gonna really clean up your home and stop living like you'll die any second, and afre you going to stay with the person you are with now forever? Weighty issues, and I'm beginning to feel too many of them all at once now. See, this is when blogs become dull! I should probably carry on and write some story to get junk out of my head and onto the page. A little fiction now n then rarely hurt anyone:)

2 comments:

Megan Lewellyn said...

Hi! I was diagnosed with MS in 2007 but just recently started the blog that I have been writing in my head since the day I got the news. I came across you blog on another MSers blog roll and would love to add your blog to my blog roll as I am working hard to try and put together a thorough and comprehensive list of MS blogs. Although I have run across a few lists (Carnival of MS Blogger being the first that I found) it seems as if there are many blogs that aren't on any of these lists.
I completely realize that it being my blog, I can put on it what I choose, having already run into one MS blogger that "demanded" that I removed her blog from the list as she didn't care for my sense of humor (or lack of class as she phrased it) figured I would rather ask now. I really don't want to endorse those that feel that way although they are certainly entitled to their own thoughts and feelings:) LOVE to know that someone doesn't like me:)

I really enjoyed reading some of your blog:) Thanks for a few good laughs!

Cheers!
Meg
bbhwithms.com

Doc said...

Wouldnt bother me at all:) thanks!