WOW it's been a long time...

.. so long so much has changed. I'm no longer on Plegridy-- frankly, the side effects were getting much in the way of work and relationships. I came within a minute of snapping at my boss, whom I adore, and I had already been  on the verge of throwing things at the S.O... and the joints had been a-paining me pretty badly. So I went off it in October, right after my birthday, and I feel much better. an MRI at the end of the year will tell me what if anything has changed. Fingers crossed for Ocrelizumab getting approved next year.

I'm enjoying the fall, though, even if my fatigue tends to be getting in the way of a lot of stuff. I'm only now realizing how very tired I am by the afternoon, even with Adderall to keep me up. Just keeping me awake doesn't mean I'm focused or better at thinking. I also dropped out of a research study on online games and cognitive skills-- I was nowhere near as cognitively disabled as many others, but that doesn't mean I don't feel every lost word deeply. I work with my brain primarily and always have, so the little things like missed words or forgotten trips to the kitchen are paining me an awful lot. I still do read a lot and quickly, but in conversation I feel much stupider.

Overall, I'm fully aware I have been much blessed in my relative lack of disability that can be seen. I have my crip placard and plates for parking, and I use them, as I have come to realize I damn well need to conserve all the energy I can in any way I can. I still have a bit of a limp and on and off use a knee brace or two, but the main issue I am concerned with is cognitive loss, which, apparently thanks to my loooong education ride and mental exercise, is not bad in comparison to others at all.  Well, tough, because when one DOES work with the brain as a major job tool, it's really easy to sense the tool getting rusty.  That has been the thing making me feel most old as I hit mid-forties. Sometimes I feel that if I could just need a wheelchair, I'd be able to cope with changes and frustrations better. There's nothing I can do for my brain I'm not already doing (yes, food, mental stimulation, vitamin D.. trust me, I KNOW the drill) so I think that's why the cognitive lapses are so frustrating. I plan on tying a paper organizer, smartwatch with alerts, my smartphone, and my outlook calendar all together to help me organize and stay on track better and with less "grrr!" moments.

We head to the holiday break busy but overall okay. Lots of vet bills recently, but that's the price I pay for being a cat parent and I would never not have cats! Wishing whoever might read this a peaceful autumn/winter season, Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukkah (to those celebrating), Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy New Year! (Cause at this rate, I'll update again in like, oh, March...)