I'm a little tired lately, having gone back to work part time for 8 weeks before smacking head on into fulltime teaching again. I'm sure the 8am class isn't helping, but I am glad to notice I'm mostly on the ball.
I was reading a blog (MSLOL radio)which was speaking of show tunes, and the "Try to Remember" from 'The Fantasticks' was highlighted. I do like the song, but i also now associate it with Jerry Orbach singing it post-9/11 in NYC.
So there's a bittersweetness to it for me, as beautiful as it is (particularly as Jerry sang it -- Jerry, we miss you!), an autumnal feeling of both beauty and a deep longing for the things already past. I guess it just put me in mind of the wistfulness I've been experiencing lately. The general overall slowing of my physical self and to some extent my brain is really a different experience. I have been feeling some leg weakness (as I did in 2008) and def. some brain fog, but I still think for the most part I cover it well enough. I still say that i would retire tomorrow if I could.
As it is, two cats have been ill, Bear's Lipitor copay went up, and I have no idea how we'll cover our medical bills. Naturally, that will lead to worse credit, which will lead to yada yada yada. I'm so over my country some time. I know we can be the very best at so many things, but I tell you, MS will smack any national or local shortcomings right in your face.
So I try to remember that last september.. it's not easy, and it has been scary lately. I still am very glad for my MS doc and clinic, but oh so wanting to leave this place behind me, dust, sand, and all.
Happy MS Awareness Month, dammit... wish it never had to come again!!
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